RAINBOWS &butterflies.

Friday, December 22, 2006

i moved again.
sorry.
ask for my url yourself.
it will be on my msn nick, for just awhile (:

i moved. cause i chose to move on.

11:25 AM
0 COMMENTS

i moved again.
sorry.
ask for my url yourself.
it will be on my msn nick, for just awhile (:

i moved. cause i chose to move on.

11:25 AM
0 COMMENTS

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

oh wells, think im not gg for that job again. aw. hate last min thing. anyway. (:

ehhh:
ha, we both edited our posts. okay. haha. anyway, yeps. i was just going to say that, actually what are we disagree-ing abt? i mean its quite a small matter and because of my reactive nature(i guess) it kinda get worse also lah. so yepps, that's why i deleted tt post. anyway, i want to tell you that: im SO NOT against you or anything alrights? (: ya, so lets build this friendship again with Christ in the center. (: i know you have good intentions all along, i promise you that im aware that you have good intentions. maybe im just too reactive sometimes and for that, i guess i said sorry already.being prideful in certain things are my weakness too. oh and i have been wanting to say that, i've been trying to change for a very long time and im still trying.(this is to address the issue on you saying that, knowing that im like tt den why didnt i change.?) so yepps. (:

im feeling a little better now i hope. of all the self-defence /anger/ hurt/ disappointment/ sadness/ rejections/ uncared for feelings. God can be so near yet so far. i know there will be alot of major changes in Youth min and even in my life next year which i really need to pray abt for directions. im in this stage of life that i want to help others but i need to help myself kinda thing. and alot of times im very defensive of myself and being human, i think i dont want ppl to know abt me and the ugly side i guess. but oh wells. im not perfect, everyone have flaws. at least im trying to do something abt it. (:

the storms in life will not overwhelmed you, but God's Love will.

yongling.

11:19 PM
0 COMMENTS

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

okay. the last entry was deleted. cause i dont see how it serves any purpose. it only leads things worse. so yepps.

moments of defence. wrong words. sorry tho.

1:55 PM
0 COMMENTS

Monday, December 18, 2006

well, went town with merv today. glad that beryl, caryn and amanda all did well for Nlevels (:

okay. to the one who thinks im talking to you: heh. well i read your blog. sometimes i dont know what's going on. you always blogged as if i did something wrong and it always portrait me as a bad girl tt hurt you. i didnt do anything to hurt you ya. if i do, pls tell me can. i dont understand why you always put all the blame to yourself? i just dont get it. sometimes its totally not your fault but you insisted tt its because of you. i have always appreciate you as a very good friend and for all tt you had done k. dont think too much. whatever happens in the next following year, i dont know. but well for now, friendship lasts.

alrights. im been feeling weird as usual. ha. im really not in the mood for anything. the title for my blog is JOY in the Lord. but well, joy? what joy? im really losing alot right. joy, peace, strength, passion for the Lord, love, care, ppl, kor, myself... and ah, i really dont feel like working. ): i need a life man.

times flies. and christmas is so near. Christmas. it once again remind us of His love and the reason He came and all tt we are gg thru, He been there done that. what will become of me this christmas and what will i do? for myself and for Jesus. another trial for faithfulness, and we shall see in the days to come..

whatver shall be, shall be.

9:04 PM
0 COMMENTS

Sunday, December 17, 2006

I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight

And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain

How could this happen to me?
I've made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?

Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold on
On to a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't

How could this happen to me?
I've made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?

I've made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?

10:36 PM
0 COMMENTS

Friday, December 15, 2006

i suppose to go for an interview today at AMK @ 9am. but i didnt. cause im not in the mood to go. i cried from ytd night,11plus to this morning abt 4am. i hate to cry.

i was sitting at bethel hall ytd. just looking at them practising for CATB. and i start to wonder. what in the world am i doing? im not even serving anymore. i looked at all the enthu faces, all the joyfulness. how it reminded me of last time.. when i was so on for God, so enthu and joyful in the Lord. ppl change, i think i do too.

somethings are just not so simple. and trusting God becomes something tt is so hard to even think abt. all the things tt ppl said i know, but i just find it hard to go back sometimes. i think i lost my way. just like any other things tt i lost. it cannot be replaced. i cant find tt passionate for God girl anymore. maybe she's hiding, i cant find her anywhere. im such a sinner.

its been a lonely year.. things never gonna be the same anymore. and without the passionat for God girl, i dont know what i will become.

ya. im nothing all along. bye.

depressed&broken to the core.

you left me with no choice.

10:04 AM
0 COMMENTS

i havent been hurt so badly before, maybe once.

I HATE YOU. REALLY.
watch me fade away.

im not the same anymore, i told you so.
IHATEYOU.

from 12dec06 on. it changed.

this is the long goodbye.

8:35 AM
0 COMMENTS

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

you are a leader, im not. you click well with alot, i dont. you can impact lives of the younger ones better than me. you are organise things better than me. even the 2 person im closest with think you are better. others can see what you do, they appreaicate and praise you like crazy. i done so much but i got nothing. damm it. you got my friends and click better with them now. everyone looks for you to talk to now. im just nothing now.ppl thinks you are more sensible, im not. whatever.everyone thinks you are better..guess you can do more for ministry i cant.so its time for me to go. since everyone thinks you are so good. then you go be the one to support everything.im tired of supporting everything and having the credits to you. i dont want to be the bad person anymore. i thought i still have tt 2 closest person with me, but i realised i dont.

why compare? cause i dont want to hide anymore.

LEAVE ME ALONE.
LEAVE ME ALONE!

you hit me so badly.

3:42 PM
0 COMMENTS

... i dont know what to blog tho. ):

changed blogskin.
changed way of blogging.
changed friendships.
changed lifestyle.
changed you.
changed me.

sadness to me becomes something tt dont need a reason. being hurt doesnt need a reason anymore too..

even as tears filled my eyes, i swear i wont cry. i wont*

STOP ALL THE PRETENDS.

12:13 PM
0 COMMENTS

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

woke up early. so decided to do something tt i long to but havent done it for quite long.
SPIRITUAL GIFTS TEST! ha, i did it 2times before lah. (: just wanted to do again. so heres the result:

All Spiritual Gifts Results
Score
Spiritual Gifts

100% Servant/Helps
100% Mercy
100% Evangelist
89% Teacher
89% Leadership
89% Hospitality
89% Healing
89% Faith
89% Exhortation
8% Administration
67% Wisdom
67% Prophet
67% Pastor
56% Missionary
56% Intercession
56% Discernment
44% Artistry
33% Giving
22% Apostle
11% Music

well, nothing much has change, just tt mercy, helps, evangelism and leadership keep shifting their place. (: but thank God they are still the top few. (:

well, its time to put them into more use too! (: here i come~

p/s: oh and i think i twisted my ankle ytd. didnt know its quite bad, now i know. ha, cause i got problem trying to walk. pray k? (: i dont want see doc lah, quite scary =p

7:35 AM
0 COMMENTS

Monday, December 11, 2006

hey (: floorball today was good! had few issues but God is still good lah .(: yepps. poor eujin, hope he's better now. *smile*

met mervin for lunch at causeway and apparently we both were late from our meeting time haha. went up the foodcourt and we saw caryn and claire and yepps, we decided to eat together (:

and yes issues after issues and finally we could play floorball, tho not very proper.

went to val's house to bathe after floorball then da bao back to church for mervin and eujin. and thanks them a ton for shifting the tables and chairs back to places. (: and crap, i feel down from the stairs lah. and my leg hurts like mad. was talking on the phone with mervin then i dont know how, but i fell from the stairs and somehow twisted my ankle i guess. and yes, im limping. heh. *ouch lah* had a nice dinner with emrvin and eujin and we played taboo for awhile. they are such interesting brothers (:

and being such a nice person, kind mervin sent me back home cause i think he's killing some time and yes, im kinda limping remb (: he's just nice. thanks meRv! :D

i started on my christmas cards alrdy. if not i will be killing myself can, ha, need to write to so many people. din want to write any this year, but decided to cause christmas seems incomplete without the rushing to finish up writing cards the days before christmas service. (: and so you ppl are really blessed cause yongling is gg to write christmas cards! :D

was just thinking abt the many pl tt we lost during the years. guess christmas is really a good opportunity to invite them back to church again too! pls remb to k. (: very important.

being random, i was just thinking abt how another christmas will be like without daddy. its the 2nd year, but i cant really remb what last year was like. its a weird feeling. altho my family dont have the habit of celebrating christmas because my mum thinks its a western thing but daddy do bring us out to eat and i remb i use to claim christmas present from him, or perhaps just an excuse to buy new stuff. everytime there's a festival/ occassion, i will feel kinda weird cause daddy not ard to spend with us. tho my family members nv said anything abt it, i know they can feel it. something different. but seriously, i thanked God for His purpose.

and truly, i know tt God has always been that heavenly father, so close so near and you know, my heavenly Father has always been so loving. the uncondition love. well, i feel like tt prodigal son, or maybe actually i think im. always trying to run away. the more you run away, the further&longer you wish to go away, cause you are just too ashamed to come back and face Him. alrights, tt is if you know what i mean. im trying.

You are my heavenly Father.
yongling.

10:12 PM
0 COMMENTS

Thursday, December 07, 2006

never feel so bored before.
yucks. ):

hey dont forget, there's captain's ball on saturaday k? (:
ah, i got a feeling tt almost no one will turn up ): aw.

who still remb SFC?!?!?! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH.

okay. ignore me, im just bored and super super bored. ):

sadded can.

4:18 PM
0 COMMENTS

Monday, December 04, 2006

ah.im feeeling crappy. ):
ytd is so boring. everyone preparing for youth camp. ):
im not gg for youth camp ):
i canot go for senior youth retreat! ):
i cant go for this, that. feel so outta. AAHH. ):
oh wells.

went to church ytd for youth worship den went to meet mummy at causeway. i finally brought my table! my L-shape table (: love. and mummy wants to buy another wardrode for me. i really need to work man, must find money! (: need to pay money back to mummy mah. not everything lah but still must pray some. bummer.

suppose to meet my primary sch sister for job-hunting today. but she last min cant make it. ah ): so decided to meet carol and zhengying instead. since im so bored, and they are too. heh. (: kor left with one more paper! (: yeah! but oh wells.

im so sick. i got bad throat infection. AAHHH> throat hurts like crazy can. ): ah, i miss hanging out! i miss just relaxing. ): AAHh.i just i woke up at the wrong side of the bed today..again. ): im really not feeling okay. AHh. whatever.

11:35 AM
0 COMMENTS

Friday, December 01, 2006

because of His great love, we are not consumed (:

i love the swing. but its only the swing.

the Lord is my sheperd.

3:44 PM
0 COMMENTS